Since I last posted, not much has changed with my Mom. I have been working hard on changing my reactions to her. It still sucks. She continues to lie/steal/cheat/use... She still lives in her own world and thinks no one is the wiser.
She called me the Friday before Mother's day to say "Just in case I forget, i want to tell you now, Happy Mother's Day." and told me she was taking Grandma out Sunday, if we wanted to meet them - she would love to see us.
On Sunday, G called to say "Sorry, your Mom took off Friday afternoon and I haven't seen her since. We won't be there for dinner." Apparently, some backpay arrived in the mail Friday and she was off - Completely disregarding the plans she had made a few hours before. My grandma was disappointed. So was I....
Last Sunday she called and left a VM. "Sorry to disappoint you all again. I am going to treatment tomorrow and would like to hear from you." She was admitted to outpatient (What are they thinking???? - probably don't want to waste their time...). On Thursday, my sister went to watch a movie with her. She had a heart-to-heart talk with her. Let her know we were not oblivious to what she was up to. On Friday, she put flowers in my yard and a few garden ornaments. I called her about it. She said, "Since you are going to be selling your house, I thought I would help spruce up the yard for you." We didn't really talk much more, someone came over to the house and she was distracted. She said, "I will see you at Church."
So this morning - no show at church. About 1pm, G calls A and says "Is your Mom still with you guys." Apparently she talked him into driving herself this morning.
As I logged in to update the blog and vent..... I caught up with another blogger and liked what she had to say, so I am copying it.
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NOT ONE FUCKING THING YOU DO IS GOING TO CHANGE YOUR ADDICT.
Sorry guys, but that is the bitter, honest, complete and total truth.
Force them into all the rehabs you can pay for. You are wasting your money.
Give them all the rules you want. They will ignore them.
Give them all the support they can use. It will make no difference.
Trust them all you want, they will rip you off over and over.
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All these programs out there for addicts...and they don't bother. Wonder why I don't care whether or not an addict gets treatment? Because they don't WANT treatment. And when they DO want treatment, THEY find it for themselves.
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5 comments:
Glad you are hanging in there. You know, I let Pint start reading yours and your sister's blog. I figured it would help her to understand what her life WOULD have been had I left her with her mother. As difficult as it is for you to share your pain, it is helping one little girl understand HER pain. Thank you.
What a great post. This is a lesson Im JUST finally learning. I have given up on worrying about what my mother is up to, who she is hanging out with, when she is going to treatment etc etc. I decided that her addiction is her business and working on myself is my business. She can lie and pretend she cares about getting better to ther people that wat to believe it. I hope one day she finds a place in her recovery that works for her but I wont be holding my breath.
I am no longer interested in parenting my parent!!
I want to thank you for your blog and all your great posts. Its so often I come across the parents of addicts and not so much the children of addicts.
Thanks for your comments! I am so glad I can actually help others sort out their feelings. It really helps me to get it out here too.
Hi Pint - you keep up your good work!! It is tough, but you can survive with such loving Grandparents behind you. Don't ever forget God loves you too and he NEVER stops! You can change/stop the cycle!!!
Hi Miss Liss - Thanks for words too. I read some of your blog - sounds like we have some similar stories.....
It really helps to know there are others out there struggling with the same issues.
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