Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Update from Sunday's Post

I sort of ran off and didn't completely finish my last post (gets crazy in the house when the kids get home with Dad....)

When G called and we figured out Mom had taken off, A burst into tears. I felt so bad for her. After she had such a great heart-to-heart with Mom a few days before, I know she felt completely abandoned and betrayed again at that moment. I just can't help her either. At least we have each other to work it out together.....

A had actually told Mom how she felt abandoned by her. How could Mom choose drugs/alcohol over her. She was only in High School and still needed her. Mom told her "I felt it was better for you to go live with your sister. I figured my girls were grown and I could go out and live the wild life again."

Grown??? She was in High school for pete's sake. And I don't care how old you are, you always need your Mom. So, then Sunday she disappears and took A's heart again. I don't know how to keep her from getting her hopes up - it is difficult for me too.

Last week, Mom was in OP rehab. Though Friday we are quite sure she didn't go - she would not have been at my house planting flowers..... I actually had a Freak-Out moment. A was rubbing off on me and I guess I got a little scared she was actually going to rehab. I have to admit I was TERRIFIED! I have worked so hard to create the healthy distance - I am not quite sure I am ready for her to get help. I don't even know how to re-establish a good relationship if that time were to come. I hate to admit this, but it is almost easier now if she doesn't get well...... I pray every night for her to find her strength to get better. I really do want that for her, but I would be lying if I said it didn't scare me.

On Sunday evening my DH went with G to the City. G had went down there earlier to try and find her. He found the car. He took his spare key and they brought the car back home (to hopefully prevent it from being crack-leased or anything else). I am struggling with this still. I wasn't sure it was the right thing to get involved in - I am afraid G's real motive was not to save $, but to still have control over Mom. But, it is done and G called yesterday. She came home.

Today, I have a voicemail from her "Hi hon. It's Mom. I am calling to apologize again for my behavior and making everyone worry about me. I still love you."

I think what make it so difficult is that some days, she really means it. She really does put us first, she really wants to get better, she really does care about us, etc. Then one bad day - and we are back to square one. Oh, I just pray for her strength on the bad days!!!

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