Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I knew this time would come again.....

Last week, Mom called and asked if I would pick her up for church. I told her that we were picking up Grandma and I would have to make sure we could take Grandmas van for the space. She said "Nevermind. I will drive myself. See you there tomorrow morning."

Needless to say, she didn't show. But, we had a message on our machine "Sorry I didn't make it to church, my stomach is hurting. We would like to bring Easter baskets to the boys tomorrow. Call me." I didn't.

Her and G showed up last Monday to bring by the Easter baskets and visit. Mom was not sober. G had to hold her arm so she could walk up our driveway without wobbling. She was repeating herself over and over. She did have fun pushing Z's new play lawnmower around the room and Z thought it was funny too. I couldn't quite place what was wrong with her until our visit was almost over. (She ALWAYS blames it on her meds being mixed up again....) I could definitely smell the alcohol on her. My DH said he thought maybe she was on painkillers. Either way, it was something. She was complaining about her stomach hurting and how she was going to make the appt. to get her gallbladder removed. She said she would call if she went to the hospital. No call all last week.

Then Saturday, she calls again asking for a ride to church. I told her we would be there at 9:45 to get her. We picked her up, then Grandma, and the whole crew went to church Sunday. When she got into our car, she "reeked" of perfume - I had to roll the window down so I didn't drown in it. She also had a piece of gum. It wasn't until part way into the service that I smelled it again. I was sick to my stomach! I had to remind myself where I was and why and worry about her later.

When we picked her up, she mentioned that she just got home from the hospital. I said "I thought you were going to call if you went to the hospital" "Are you feeling better, what did they say?" Then I threw in "Stop Drinking??" She said "No they didn't say that, but it is a problem again. My shot is wearing off and it is too much $ to get again. Not sure what I will do."

I knew this time would come again. Now I have to figure out the best way to let her know that she wasn't fooling us. I have to let her know (again) that she is not welcome when she is not sober. And, what hurts the most - I have to tell her that she cannot come to church with us unless she is sober. She loves the service, (though I can't say she takes the advice well), and has already in a few weeks made a few "friends" there. She makes her own choices and I make mine. I wish it wasn't so difficult though!

After church, Grandma wanted to go out for lunch, but Mom insisted on being brought back home first. I am quite sure she was afraid G would yell at her. That is also sad - the only person that will put up with her and take care of her is the same one causing her to use by his controlling ways. He sucks..... He just keeps her in his vicious cycle. He actually bribes her with her addictions sometimes - then tells us he doesn't enable.

I asked Grandma if she noticed anything after we dropped Mom off. She just noticed the smell. Neither one of us would have ever known if we didn't smell it. She didn't act funny or anything. I finally had a chance to talk to Grandma a little since we were stuck together in the car. She said she just feels so guilty that her daughter is this way. She said "I never knew and I just don't know how I didn't know all this time." I just said "Grandma, it is not your fault. And I didn't know either." Oh this addiction crap sucks!

Monday, April 6, 2009

She's Back

Finally heard from Mom this week...

Tuesday was her Birthday. I called G's and left a message "Hi, this is A. Don't know if Mom is there, but if so "Happy Birthday". Also, the family get-together has been moved to Sunday if you are around."

Friday I missed a call from G. Saturday she called again - this time leaving a voicemail. I wasn't sure if it was her or G and I wasn't about to call back and get stuck talking to him, so I was glad she left the voicemail. I went out shopping and when I got home there was also a message on our home machine.

I called her back and she wanted to know if we would pick her up for church. I decided to question her "Where have you been?" - Her response "What do you mean? I have been here, just doing my usual. I have a full belly and I am safe". I said "G said you went to a rehab." She claimed insurance would only cover outpatient and it is in a neighborhood she doesn't need to be in so she didn't go. Then she told me that she ran into a girlfriend and G got all twisted about it. That he turned around what the friend said to him and lied to Mom and that he is now taping all phone conversations at the house so she better not say anymore. At this point, I dropped it (not getting anywhere....)

Then I asked if she was coming to the Birthday Get-together. "Of course.", she says. Like I didn't have reason to ask that!! She hasn't shown up to a function for a long time now - of course I have ask. Especially since the baby fit she threw last time!

She went to church with us yesterday and showed up with G for the family get-together. Unbelievable!

My DH was upset about it for once. (Or at least he finally said something). He said "It really just pisses me off that your Mom thinks she can do whatever she wants and then just waltz back like nothing happened! Days like today just reinforced it for her."

He is right! It pisses me off too!! I just don't know how to handle it. I had given up questioning her and this time I tried again. It got me nowhere as usual. If she called and invited us for dinner, I would most likely decline, but how do I deny someone to go to church. She knows that too. I don't mind her going with us, when she is sober and so far she knows not to come around when she is not. (Hence not hearing from her for the past few weeks!)

My boys know her as the grandma from the hospital and church. Not really anything more than that. My 3yr old enjoyed having someone in the back seat to listen to his millions of stories, but other than that.....

Well, I will continue with "One Day at a Time" because that is all I can do.

On a side note - Kids say the darndest things:
My Mom has really bad teeth and since her heavy drug use, she is losing a lot of them and they are cracked, etc. My 3yr old said "Grandma, what's wrong with your teeth? Yuck!"
At least it gave us to opportunity to remind him about good teeth brushing habits!