Friday, October 1, 2010

Always how she wants to see it.......

I called G today to see what was up. I hadn't heard from her since I dropped off the letter at the treatment facility. G says she came home Wednesday and is now in outpatient again. She refuses to call me. Apparently, she thinks my letter was saying that I don't want her in my life and she has been crying about it for a week. He said that the therapist is trying to use it in sessions and show her that it reads the exact opposite. G read it and is trying to tell her the same thing.

Well, that sucks! What that means to me is that she doesn't plan to get sober. I clearly stated that we want her back, but not if she isn't sober. Once again, she reads things the way she wants to. Not sure why I keep trying.....

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Tough Day

Yesterday was a tough day for me! I have really worked hard to keep Mom from always being the focus. I have worked hard to keep the walls up so she doesn't continuously hurt me. For some reason, the past week or so - it has all been getting to me. Nothing has changed with her. She is still using and lying. Though I don't think the Barber has been around for months - that is good.

She did have a sober period for about a month this summer right before A left to go back to school. It was very nice. I brought the boys over a few times to swim with her and she even hosted a family birthday dinner. It was short-lived. According to G, once her check came - she was off to the city again....

The family went out to eat for my cousin's birthday a few weeks ago. Mom and G actually showed up. She wasn't sober. It was obvious. (And in just a week or so, she had swelled up again) She choked on her steak in the restaurant. There just happened to be paramedics there eating. They came over to help. The restaurant employees were all so worried and concerned for her. I felt nothing. All I could think was "Maybe if you weren't drunk, you could chew your food." She ended up in the hospital the next day with the pancreatitis again. She now has developed cysts on her pancreas and they were so large, they almost had to go in to drain them. She tries to claim it isn't from drinking. Seriously Mom????

I think yesterday I let G get to me. Mom went to yet another rehab last week, stayed 2 days, went to the hospital and then went to a different treatment center this week. Then called G and asked him to pick her up - she would do outpatient. He was blowing her off and wanted my opinion if she should do IP. I tried to tell him we can't control her, but he still doesn't get that.... I ended up writing her a letter and didn't hold back. I dropped it off at the trmt center and she called G later and said she would stay at treatment. I told her that we love her and want her better, but we refuse to have anything to do with her not sober. I also told her that her love of drugs and alcohol is greater than her love for us - I know she doesn't really think that - but it is how it makes us feel. I don't have high hopes for this round of treatment. G thinks she has been in treatment 15 times. I think he may have missed a few.......

For now, I must focus on myself and my family. I have to find the strength to tell G he has just as much of a problem as Mom and he is bringing me down....

Thank God for the wonderful support I have found from a few special ladies at my Church!! They help me realize that as tough as it is, I am doing the right thing.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Update from Sunday's Post

I sort of ran off and didn't completely finish my last post (gets crazy in the house when the kids get home with Dad....)

When G called and we figured out Mom had taken off, A burst into tears. I felt so bad for her. After she had such a great heart-to-heart with Mom a few days before, I know she felt completely abandoned and betrayed again at that moment. I just can't help her either. At least we have each other to work it out together.....

A had actually told Mom how she felt abandoned by her. How could Mom choose drugs/alcohol over her. She was only in High School and still needed her. Mom told her "I felt it was better for you to go live with your sister. I figured my girls were grown and I could go out and live the wild life again."

Grown??? She was in High school for pete's sake. And I don't care how old you are, you always need your Mom. So, then Sunday she disappears and took A's heart again. I don't know how to keep her from getting her hopes up - it is difficult for me too.

Last week, Mom was in OP rehab. Though Friday we are quite sure she didn't go - she would not have been at my house planting flowers..... I actually had a Freak-Out moment. A was rubbing off on me and I guess I got a little scared she was actually going to rehab. I have to admit I was TERRIFIED! I have worked so hard to create the healthy distance - I am not quite sure I am ready for her to get help. I don't even know how to re-establish a good relationship if that time were to come. I hate to admit this, but it is almost easier now if she doesn't get well...... I pray every night for her to find her strength to get better. I really do want that for her, but I would be lying if I said it didn't scare me.

On Sunday evening my DH went with G to the City. G had went down there earlier to try and find her. He found the car. He took his spare key and they brought the car back home (to hopefully prevent it from being crack-leased or anything else). I am struggling with this still. I wasn't sure it was the right thing to get involved in - I am afraid G's real motive was not to save $, but to still have control over Mom. But, it is done and G called yesterday. She came home.

Today, I have a voicemail from her "Hi hon. It's Mom. I am calling to apologize again for my behavior and making everyone worry about me. I still love you."

I think what make it so difficult is that some days, she really means it. She really does put us first, she really wants to get better, she really does care about us, etc. Then one bad day - and we are back to square one. Oh, I just pray for her strength on the bad days!!!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Just more lies, as usual......

Since I last posted, not much has changed with my Mom. I have been working hard on changing my reactions to her. It still sucks. She continues to lie/steal/cheat/use... She still lives in her own world and thinks no one is the wiser.

She called me the Friday before Mother's day to say "Just in case I forget, i want to tell you now, Happy Mother's Day." and told me she was taking Grandma out Sunday, if we wanted to meet them - she would love to see us.
On Sunday, G called to say "Sorry, your Mom took off Friday afternoon and I haven't seen her since. We won't be there for dinner." Apparently, some backpay arrived in the mail Friday and she was off - Completely disregarding the plans she had made a few hours before. My grandma was disappointed. So was I....

Last Sunday she called and left a VM. "Sorry to disappoint you all again. I am going to treatment tomorrow and would like to hear from you." She was admitted to outpatient (What are they thinking???? - probably don't want to waste their time...). On Thursday, my sister went to watch a movie with her. She had a heart-to-heart talk with her. Let her know we were not oblivious to what she was up to. On Friday, she put flowers in my yard and a few garden ornaments. I called her about it. She said, "Since you are going to be selling your house, I thought I would help spruce up the yard for you." We didn't really talk much more, someone came over to the house and she was distracted. She said, "I will see you at Church."
So this morning - no show at church. About 1pm, G calls A and says "Is your Mom still with you guys." Apparently she talked him into driving herself this morning.

As I logged in to update the blog and vent..... I caught up with another blogger and liked what she had to say, so I am copying it.
Sorry guys, but that is the bitter, honest, complete and total truth.
Force them into all the rehabs you can pay for. You are wasting your money.
Give them all the rules you want. They will ignore them.
Give them all the support they can use. It will make no difference.
Trust them all you want, they will rip you off over and over.
All these programs out there for addicts...and they don't bother. Wonder why I don't care whether or not an addict gets treatment? Because they don't WANT treatment. And when they DO want treatment, THEY find it for themselves.