Thursday, July 9, 2009

Will it be jail again?

G called me this afternoon. "It is imperative that you call me. Your mom is okay, as far as I know, but we have to help find her tonight. Call me"

Ugghhh....So, I prepare myself and call him back. He says the Barber called him to see if Mom was there. He told G that if she wasn't back tonight w/ his truck, he is calling to report it stolen in the morning and will follow through with pressing charges. G says that will violate her probation and add charges for grand larceny. He doesn't want her to go to prison. I said "I hope the Barber does press charges. What the fuck is she thinking? Normal people don't steal cars, especially from their so called boyfriends." That phone call sucked - my boys were in the backseat of the car waiting to go in Kmart for Super Doubles (okay so I was waiting for the Super Doubles, my boys just wanted out of the car) and I was egging Z on to cry in the background so I could get off the phone.

Anyway.... I am 99% sure G is now driving around the city looking for Mom so she doesn't get in trouble. I told him he shouldn't do that and he didn't respond to that. Poor guy - she will just use him again and again until he finally calls it quits. He knows that, but still continues to "help" her.

My sister and I were talking earlier. It just doesn't make sense that we are who we are today. My sister thinks she should be pregnant and barefoot in a trailer park with 4 kids yelling at the neighbors with a cigarrette in her mouth. But she isn't. She is getting ready for her Senior year of college earning her degree in teaching and doing well. I shouldn't be where I am either, according to statistics -I have a Masters degree in accounting, the World's Best Husband, two beautiful boys, and a great job. If you met our mother today, you wouldn't know we belonged to her.

It must have to do with the timing of her episodes. I remember turmoil in my life until about 1st or 2nd grade. I lived with my grandparents for awhile and I remember fighting. The thing is, I was young enough to not really remember what my life was "actually" like. I only hear about it from my grandmas. Mom was in a sober period of her life after that. Or at least to my knowlege, she was sober. If she wasn't, she was functioning. She had to - a single mom supporting me. Then she married my sister's dad. He was an alcoholic and Mom maintained the home. When A was about 2, he sobered up, but they still divorced. Mom went to nursing school and raised A and I on her own. She bought a house and we moved. When I was in high school, she started her own business. We took a few elderly people into our home and she cared for them 24/7. She became rather well-known for Diabetes care among the social workers and even had a waiting list. This is when G came into the picture. Right after I left for college, they purchased a residential care facility that had capacity for 20 residents. I think this was a huge factor in her downfall. She ended up with several mental health patients and began stealing their medications. I don't know if the state ever officially caught her, but they were on to her. She sold the place and it has been downhill ever since. A calls it "When Mom started sleeping on the couch ALL the time"

So, I think I was just too young and by the time I was more aware of my surroundings, Mom was great. And A had a great Mom until she was in Jr. High. At that point, A was old enough to know that wasn't "just how life is". No matter, the reason, we are thankful to God we are okay so far!


Fractalmom said...

And both of you are an inspiration to me. I worry constantly about the girls and how/what i can do to ensure they do not end up like their mother.

I told the oldest the other need TWO things to become an addict. she said what? heroin?

I said No. You need MOTIVE and then OPPORTUNITY.

Your mother had motive, although we didn't know it at the time. She thought she was the unloved, put upon child who had the worst life possible. If we had known, we might have been able to help. Her brother and sisters tell a much different story, but the bottom line is your mother was a very unhappy person. that was the MOTIVE.

the OPPORTUNITY was when her sister in law offered her an OXY for a backache. Now lots of people might have had that happen and used it properly although illegally to relieve the backache. your mother crushed it up and snorted it. She WANTED to get high, to escape what she thought was a miserable life.

Then I told her I am worried about her. She said why? I said because you walk around with the attitude of Poor little me, both parents are junkies and I am being raised by grandparents.

I told are lucky as hell. you could be in foster care, you could be with an addict mother, you could be many things already.

Instead, you are loved, safe, fed, clothed, spoiled, joked around with, living in a house with laughter and love and support.

you need to start looking at your life in a positive manner and quit feeling sorry for yourself or you will have MOTIVE..and you are going into sixth grade in a month. I guarantee you will have OPPORTUNITY in sixth grade.

make your decision NOW because it is right around the corner.

I worry that I am too honest. she has been quieter than normal, and very thoughtful since then. She hasn't however, said one time...


and I used to hear that at least 2x a month, sometimes oftener.

I don't know if I reached her or not. I pray I did.

Daughter A said...

It is great for her to realize that she is "lucky" or "blessed" as I like to say! It is hard to take the truth sometimes, but maybe the truth will save her! Your family is in our prayers!