Christmas Eve is here. My family has celebrated on Christmas Eve as long as I can remember. When I was little, we went to the Church service to watch me in the play. Then we went out to dinner and back to Grandma & Grandpas to open presents. We were always told that Santa came early just for us. I went to my Dad's house on Christmas Day. This year, there will be no church program and no "out to dinner". I can only hope that Mom will show up. Then again, my sister and I are so anxious that she will. It will be uncomfortable - no one knows what to say to her. Grandma is quite upset with her and shows it. She knows how we feel about her behavior and I don't know that saying it does any good. Plus, we like to have her when we can and we don't like to rock the boat.... UGH - I hope tonight turns out okay! I am saying my prayers all day!
Mom just called me on my cell. She said "Hi honey. I am calling to find out the Family plans for Christmas." I had no idea that my cousin had not called her. My cousin is in charge this year - she even got the phone # from me to call her. I said "I honestly don't know the time b/c I am working today. J wanted us to come over at 3pm but I don't know if I will be there." Next thing I know she is bawling on the other side of the phone and insists she is Fine. Finally she sobs "I don't understand why it is so hard to call me and let me know what is up!"
I feel horrible! Mom has genuinely been trying. I can't say that she has been sober, but she had called me and I had called her. She even returned a phone call I made to her. She tried to make us dinner after my DH surgery, but she burned it. The least I could have done was mention the Christmas plans. I just have been so busy with my DH, my 2 boys, work, and my sister coming home that Christmas is about to pass me by! I don't even have presents wrapped yet for today! (Luckily my sister is helping me! What would I do w/o her???)
I think this is the hardest part of dealing with Mom! When she is putting forth the effort, how much are we supposed to put forth? It is just too hard to trust her and try to make things work when you know that it will happen again. It is easier to ignore.....to shield my boys from it....to just do nothing.... BUT - if I were her - it would be so hard to stay sober when your own family ignores you. Isn't it better for her for us to be in her life when she needs us the most. What a double-edged sword!
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4 comments:
Merry Christmas!!
-Kelley
ya. well. the thing is...
your mom can put forth immense effort, and then go buy dope 10 minutes later.
you need to concentrate only on your sister, your dh and children.
and go out and buy the book, toxic parents. read it. then give it to your sister.
and also. You didn't CAUSE your mother's addiction. You CANNOT CONTROL your mother's addiction, and finally you CANNOT CURE your mother's addiction.
The best you can do is make it clear that if she is using, she is not welcome to call or visit.
I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to watch your Mom struggle. Don't feel bad about it. Bottom line is you can't help her. First, she has to want to help herself and then and only then can you help her.
You said:
Next thing I know she is bawling on the other side of the phone and insists she is Fine...
I don't think she would be bawling on the other end of the phone if she were fine. Do you?
I don't know for sure but the crying sounds more like a guilty, remorseful, I feel bad about lying to you and I'm gonna justify it and blame you for not calling me and I want you to feel sorry for me kind of cry. Just a thought.
Happy New Year! Take Care.
"I don't know for sure but the crying sounds more like a guilty, remorseful, I feel bad about lying to you and I'm gonna justify it and blame you for not calling me and I want you to feel sorry for me kind of cry. Just a thought."
You hit the nail on the head!!
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